2018 in Review

I have been contemplating on how to finish out this year, 2018, for myself, for my website and for my work.

Every year for the last few years I have told myself, “This is it, this is my year! This is the year I am gonna not just end out the year dragging myself to the proverbial finish line” and every year for the last few years I feel as if I have barely made it out alive.

Three years ago I was in a deep depression as I was coming to the realization that no matter what I did, it was never going to be enough to make my marriage work. To make my husband want me. I was realizing he had been lying to me for years and manipulating me, I learned of the phrase, “gaslighting.”

Three years ago I started remembering that once upon a time I had dreams of my own. Big dreams. I was determined that 2016 I was gonna make it through to bigger and better times. By the end of 2016 I felt lucky to simply be alive.

At the Trevi Fountain in Rome in 2016 making a wish to just be happier & healthier in my life.

2017! YES! 2017 was it! It was finally gonna be my year. My joy & passion was coming back. I was realizing I could really do anything despite the lingering depression and anxiety attacks that I would experience.

2017 didn’t take long to knock me on my ass again. My dad, who I loved so much and would’ve done anything for got really sick and in a matter months passed away. A week after my birthday. Life made no sense. I fell back into my dark hole feeling more lost than ever without him. I knew deep down that this was something I would never fully recover from.

I traveled to Mexico City for Day of the dead that year and found some sense of comfort after losing my dad. But again, by the time the end of the year came around I felt lucky to have made it with any sort of sanity left.

When 2018 started, I knew, If I didn’t make something happen it just wouldn’t happen. This year I had a couple trips planned. I was scheduled to visit Morocco, Tunisia & Portugal. I would be turning 30. I knew what I was passionate about and I knew what I needed to do but I was terrified.

I decided to jump in headfirst and just go for it, more out of fear of never moving forward than anything maybe. After coming back from my trip, I decided no matter what I was going to move and start traveling full time. I had enough saving to do it for a bit and figure out the rest as I went.

One thing I have always been proud of is my resourcefulness. I gave myself 3 months to sell everything and pack my life up and say my goodbyes. I bought a one-way ticket and left.

Before I had left for Morocco I got word that my grandfather had passed away. I prepared myself for the unscheduled trip I would be taking back home to be with family and help where I could. It was a difficult time but it was nourishing for my soul to see my friends and family.

All the ones I drawn close to over my difficult years in particular. I said a teary goodbye again and traveled to Mexico to spend some time & take some Spanish lessons before heading to Portugal for the Holidays.

As I look back at this year despite the difficulties, I know that things are just starting to get good. This year was challenging but not nearly as bad as my previous years. It gives me hope that this next year will be even better.

I mean this year I visited Morocco which had been at the top of my dream travel list since I was probably around 9 years old. I turned 30! I visited Cinque Terre, Italy and got to photograph some amazing views. I actually learned some Spanish, a long time goal of mine.

My boyfriend from Portugal, got to visit New Mexico in October at the best time of the year and meet my friends & family. Not to mention the Golden State Warriors game we attended in our 24 hour stint in San Francisco.

I have eaten some of the most amazing food. I have met some awesome people & friends and have been able to spend some quality time with long time friends! This is the first year in a long time that I finally feel like I am able to take a breath without fear of running out of oxygen.

So for those of you who have been part of my journey in any way, shape or form, Thank you! Thank you for your support, your Love, your good vibes, your prayers. For all of it. I love you all!

Starting in January, my boyfriend & I will be traveling around South America for about 5 months. We will be exploring Ecuador, Colombia, Peru, Bolivia & Chile and who knows, maybe more. I am getting very excited to start this big new adventure and I invite you to come along and share in the journey & life lessons we experience.

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