Here is to 2020

Here is to 2020! (Yes I know its February but I decided I wasn’t going to start this year until now.) 2019 Kicked my ass, you guys! Like I don’t know about you but I got do some amazing things and visit some spectacular places but whoa! Just whoa!

Everyone keeps telling me that this year, its a big year. Start this year off strong! Big things are coming! Jump into this year head-first! Go all-in with everything you are doing and everything you’ve got!

What if….. and hear me out…. what if I have no fucking clue what I am doing?

What if I told you that I am seriously considering scrapping everything I’ve been working on and towards for these last two years? What if I said fuck it and decided to just go back to having a normal day job that I need to request time off for travel? What if I go back to school in a completely different field at 32 years old?

Phew! Okay… I digress… back to my real point…

2020 is here and I literally have no clue what I am doing. I have been working on my blog for the past two years. Two years you guys! Now I didn’t have a lot of tools I needed at first nor did I fully understand how everything worked but still, I’ve spent two years of trying to make this work and trying to figure it out.

Working on writing, taking high-quality photos, editing, SEO, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest… I am pulling my hair out trying to write listicles and the best things to do in every city I go to when in reality lots of people have websites like that and if you google it you’ll get page after page after page of mostly the same information when instead I should be honoring my truth of who I am and sharing my story.

So what is different about my page?

What would make you want to visit and listen to what I have to say? The only thing I can boil it down to is me; Who I am, my perspective and my journey thus far. I am not saying this to toot my own horn or whatever, I am saying this to allow some semblance of acceptance of myself and for myself. 

Listen, I have had a weird fucking life guys, some of you know that and some of you don’t but that being said anytime I share a bit of my story I am constantly met with a barrage of voices telling me I should share more or I should write a book or I never know who needs to hear this information and who it could help.

I started sharing my story about 8 months ago and since have opened up slightly about my struggles while traveling with Mental health issues like PTSD, Depression, and Anxiety. Some of my story can even be found on my website under the About Me section but I have held back so much for so many reasons.

Fear is the main one.

Fear of sharing too much personal information on a professional website. Fear of what friends and family would say. Fear of what or who could be brought up from my past. Fear of making people angry. Fear of being too different. Fear of the pain of vulnerability. Fear of shame. Fear of opening up my heart. Fear of being left alone. Fear of too much attention. Fear of the light shining on the gnarly wounds and scars I protect fiercely.

FEAR. 

“Alas, I was not made for this life to live it fearfully but boldly, uninhibited, and irrevocably free. WILD.”

I spent my whole life, limiting myself. Shrinking myself to fit the boxes of man. And all for what? To appease the fear ghoul that lives inside me?

Well If 2020 is going to be a big year then let it be for this reason.

“Fear is no longer welcome to be the majority vote in my decisions.“

I may not be able to control everything that happens to me but I do get to control how I respond to it and when and how I choose to share that story with others. Some of my stories and truths may not sit right with all of you and they may make some people choose to stop following along and I am okay with that but I am not okay with holding back or holding in my truth any longer.

Taking Time to Refocus

I intentionally took some time off at the end of last year and the start of this year from my blog/website, from my Instagram page and Instagram TV, from Twitter, Youtube and from posting anything of my own personal stuff on my business Facebook page. I needed to refocus and reconnect with myself and understand what greater purpose I am serving and why?

So that being said, 2020 is going to bring a slight change in direction of topics I write about. I will still be writing about travel because it is still something I love but I am going to be sharing more on a personal level as well. More stories, More poetry (Bet you all had no idea I wrote poetry), More of Me.

Here is to those of us who have no fucking clue what we are doing! May we truly see each other, embrace each other, support one another, and serve one another.

Here is to 2020!

“Every single contribution that you have to make, the World has been waiting to experience from you.“