How Did I Get Here?

This past weekend I lost another family member, my grandfather. There is a whole host of emotions to process as my family plan yet another funeral/memorial service. It leaves me wondering, How did I get here?

Time to Mourn & Reflect

While I am sad and miss my family, I also understand that as he aged we were able to prepare ourselves for something like this. Unlike with my father’s passing, this was expected at some point in the near present/future. He had lived a very full life with many careers and hobbies. This death, though it is still met with grief, has a sense of peace and acceptance to it. It still brings with it a time to pause and reflect.

Our life, our one life, we can either choose to believe that we are stuck in circumstances that are beyond our control or we can work to change our perspective and thereby changing our circumstances. 

I have gone through so much in the last 5-10 years that when I look back at it sometimes I feel like I am watching a terrible Lifetime movie. So much drama and honestly I never shared half of it because I was afraid of who it might affect all the while keeping everything inside and allowing my peace to be taken away from me simultaneously losing trust in myself.

When I tell people that I have, at 30 years old, moved away from the United States, with only the money I have saved and no real plan of what I am doing with my life, the looks I get are incredulous. But when I tell you that I have never been happier, believe me! Plans are amazing and goals are fine to light that fire under your ass. But sometimes you have to just do it. You have to just go for it. 

It’s Okay to Want More

There are so many times that I just want to shout it so everyone can hear, “YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE STUCK.” 

There are options, There are resources, there are groups and so much available to help you if you want to do more. If you hate your life/job, If you are not happy in that relationship, If you are not happy with where you are living? There is more out there.

In my experience in my life and many people’s lives, fear & themselves are the main things stopping them from having more, experiencing more, seeing more and living more fully. 

I knew when I was younger that I wanted to travel the world and see everything and photograph everything and I allowed myself to settle; to get distracted. I tried to convince myself that I could be okay with an okay life. Deep down in my gut or in my intuition, I knew better but I had stopped listening long ago. 

Hitting Rock Bottom

It took my entire life being turned upside-down for me to start listening and trusting myself again. To remember the dreams that I once had. Sometimes when you feel life just keeps throwing punches and just isn’t letting up, you have to take a step back and try to see what the universe may be trying to tell you. 

I was so angry when I finally realized and accepted that my husband was never going to choose me or love me the way I deserved to be loved. That he was never going to stop lying or manipulating me. That he was never going to stop talking to other women or putting on a “show” with all of our friends. 

But because my life fell apart and my world came crashing down around me, I was able to learn to love myself the way I deserved to be loved. I was able to tell myself some deep and meaningful truths. I was able to start trusting myself and being myself completely. 

Trust Your Intuition

With all of this information and extra weird details about my life that you probably didn’t want to know, I mean to say, TRUST YOUR INTUITION.  

No one will know you better than yourself. Don’t be afraid to spend time with yourself and get to know yourself even better. Ask yourself the hard questions like, “How did I get here?” Trust that little voice inside that is telling you, You can do more or that its okay to want more. Just go for it.

Don’t waste time being afraid. We can do anything we set our minds to, we are strong, beautiful, and brave. We are talented and have gifts and something to offer this world that is waiting for us.